Category: Uncategorized

Perfecto Presents: Sandra Collins
Cd 1
Release date: September 23, 2003

The first mix or song that I’m going to talk about is actually a Cd we bought together before we started our life on the road. It was when we were still teenagers and still dreaming of the things we’re doing now. Back then we didn’t have the internet to help us find our dreams, though. Now things are so different. Any Dj, any event, any city is reachable as long as you can find it somewhere online.

But it’s more than that. You don’t just find the events, you also find people, and those people are searching for the music just like you are. But again, this was before all this happened. In 2003 the internet was there, but we just didn’t see it as that. We were still in that period of time where if you wanted to find new music you had to go physically find it. Whether it be a new band playing in town, or even a new dj.

Sandra Collins, to me, will always be the best example of going and finding something that was already looking for you. I discovered Sandra Collins in 2000, when I was 15 years old. It was my third electronic music event ever and it would prove to be far more monumental than I ever could have imagined when I arrived at the sunshine theatre on that Tuesday evening. Part of why I call it an event instead of a rave is because of the day and place it happened. I knew she was a dj, but why was it being held at a concert venue on a school night? How was this different than the couple warehouse functions I found myself in before this moment?

The answer was simple. It was because of the Dj. I didn’t know Sandra Collins at all other then the fact that my friends said we should go. I wish I was cool enough to know more, but that was just about it. I was young, and new to the scene, and completely willing to trust my friends when they said I shouldn’t miss this one. I remember I didn’t even ask my father if I could go. I just bought the ticket and went. Knowing very well the show would end well after midnight and I had school the next day, I simply didn’t care. all that mattered was that I was there.

Sandra Collins was on tour that year for her edition of the tranceport cd series that had previous versions from Paul Oakenfold and Dave Ralph. I didn’t know any of this stuff, though. I was simply just there. Now, these words are not meant to describe that night, so I won’t say much, other than she changed me in such a profound way that im still in awe of that night now 22 years later.

I remember she came out barefoot and wearing sunglasses. Idk why that’s the first thing I remember. I remember her plugging her headphones into the mixer and throwing on her first records to be played, but after that, I’ll admit it was sonic and audio bliss surrounded by a blur. And I can’t say it was alcohol, I was only fifteen. And I can’t say it was drugs, cause again, I was only fifteen, so I know without thinking twice what Sandra Collins did that night was completely natural and completely real. She set the bar for every dj I would ever see for the rest of my life. I am always comparing every single one of them to that first moment with Sandra Collins. And not out of disrespect, but rather as a challenge. Show me what she did all those years ago.

It didn’t end with Sandra Collins after that, though. After that I met a girl, and she became my girlfriend, and she loved going to the rave too. She loved dancing, and smoking weed, and watching the sunrise, and she loved Sandra Collins. Sandra Collins was actually the first dj we each loved separately and then we loved together. She was that first bridge through music for us. I can still remember the first time my girl came over to my house and I showed her the autograph I got from Sandra Collins that first night I saw her. I could tell it impressed her. I owe Sandra for that one.

Anyways, after that we sort of just became lost in the rave for a while, although, twenty two years later not much has changed. You just keep going. First this one, and then the next one, and the next one, and the next one. In 2003 we were nineteen and very much ready to be done with our teen years.

Well most kids spent that stretch going to the prom and to football games we spent it traveling around New Mexico. Warehouses, deserts, mountains. Wherever there was a beat we went after it. Again, not much has changed. Because of our travels there started to be a real need and commitment to what was played in the car on the drive to and from the rave. It’s almost as if that choice became more important than the rave itself. The rave was gonna happen one way or the other, and whether it was busted or it went all night, that was beyond us. We just had to get there. But the music in the car, became a major deal. We all suddenly became the dj.

By the time this cd came out we had already owned at least three Sandra Collins cds, so this wasn’t our first or our last purchase of her cds, but what seems to stand out to me, all these years later, was just how excited we were for it to come out in the first place. Sandra Collins, our favorite dj, releasing a mix on the record label of our second favorite dj, Paul oakenfold’s Perfecto Records, just sounded like it was made just for us. They were already connected through tranceport, and now this was a double cd, something that was still rare, even for electronic music.

We were excited to see what she could do. It started right away, with a Junkie XL track. I had always heard of Junkie XL as legends before my time, but I’ll admit, I don’t remember hearing one of their songs until she started her mix with it. Part of a dj’s job is to educate us with music we may not have found on our own. Sandra Collins always provided that for us. This cd showed that as much as any we heard.

From there the education continued. In This world (slacker’s rain before carnival remix) by Moby moved me so completely that I would spend years searching out that song on vinyl, which I accomplished almost four years later. A record I still own to this day. It was epic and moody progressive house before the next generation would speed up the tempo and bpm to what it is now. But it was also progressive trance.

Progressive trance is a style that most people don’t want to touch nowadays, and part of that is because it’s so hard to describe. It’s easier to just call it all progressive house and let the listener decide for themselves. Sandra Collins has always been the best at being able to walk the line between both.

Another great track was No other Man (The Greek Remix) by Gpal Presents Ghos. I would also spend years trying to find this song on vinyl, which I believe is another good sign of how great of a dj Sandra Collins really is. She doesnt just play songs you like, she plays songs you love and become obsessed with. I’d try to find these songs just like I’d try to find the next dancefloor, or even the next highway. What amazes me even more now, looking back, is how this track was released on the Yoshitoshi label, a label started by two of my other all time favorite djs, Deep dish. Deep dish deserves an explanation all on their own, but again, it still stands out to me that even before I knew who any of these people were, this dj introduced me to them. I’d spend the rest of my life loving the tracks made by deep dish and their labels, and the very first one I loved was played by Sandra Collins.

Finally, the last track of the cd, Traveling On (Gabriel & Dresden Campfire mix) by Beber & Tamra. Everybody has their style of music that they love the most, and for me that style will always be emotional but subtle vocals over a heavy and melodic beat. Gabriel & Dresden are still two of my favorite producer/dj duos and this the first of many of their songs I’d love all my life.

I love the emotional stuff, and this song is as perfect an example of what I love as maybe any song I’ll ever play for you. If I want you to remember me, I’d probably play this song for you. I can remember the first moment we heard it together, in our car, holding hands as we drove around the city. Feeling like we had everything even though we had nothing. This song will always take me back to that moment. The moment where we were young enough to believe this music would save us. And now we know it did.

By the time the song ends you just don’t want it to, and you realize you just spent over an hour completely immersed and connected with the music you just heard and the person playing it. I can remember wanting to hear it again. I can remember being so happy that we found it. Feeling lucky that we were chosen to be a part of this world.

Now, so many years later, I’ll listen to this mix, with my girl that’s now a woman who is now my wife, and maybe our kids will be there too, and I’ll think of how far we’ve traveled, how much we’ve seen and have been allowed to experience. And I’ll always remember that dj that helped us on our way. Helped give us a beginning. These words are for Sandra Collins. They’re to say thank you. Thanks for giving us that moment, and so many after. And this mix. A cd we found somewhere hidden in this desert. A cd that changed our lives.

Take a listen if you have the time.
See you on the dancefloor.

Spotify Version

Live on Letterman

For about five, maybe six years during my teenage rave days, there were always a few things you could count on when going to the function.

First, there always had to be a jungle room. Had to be. No question. It was required. I wish it was still like that. The smooth drum and bass bouncing off the walls or into the night air; everybody just bouncing around to their own rhythm and beat, as if nothing in the world would ever care more.

Second, somebody was always selling balloons. You didn’t know when or where they’d pop up, but you could always count on somebody with a tank selling 2 for 5. For some reason, no matter where I go, that’s always the price. Same in Detroit, same in LA, same in some desert in the middle of nowhere. Always 2 for 5.

Third, the music was always the priority. People want to pretend it’s about the drugs or the popularity, but back then just like now, the music and the sound always came first. Which was always understood, even for me, at such a young and naïve age when I first discovered the music in the night.

Fourth, well fourth was only true here in New Mexico, but looking back I feel it was as much a tradition as anything I have experienced since. Every year, somewhere in the deserts or mountains of New Mexico, right around a couple weeks from now, they’d have a rave known by the same exact name and nothing more: Junebug.

It’s almost time for Junebug.

Looking back, I’d say it’s been around 15-16 years since the last Junebug, a fact that hurts my heart to admit, since not only does it admit my age, but it also reminds me how long it’s been since the last one as well. Will we ever have another one again? I really couldn’t say, although, part of why I bring this up is because deep down I know, based on what has already happened, Junebug will live longer than just those few years it was around, but only if we want it to.

I didn’t go to the first Junebug. I knew it was happening, and I knew where it was, but that was when I was fifteen and still not able to find friends to go the rave with. By then I had already gone to a handful of warehouse raves, and I was hooked beyond belief. So hooked that I called the info lines and searched for fliers wherever I could. The info line is actually how I found out about Junebug, long before I saw any flyers or lineups on it.

I called a local info line, which I’d do every time I got a new flier. Just to see what it sounded like. Being fifteen, sitting in your room, smoking cigarettes you stole from you dad, calling a phone number that would give you information on an illegal gathering with drugs and music, was something that can never be duplicated or imitated. It’s starting a life I still live now. It’s deciding that yes, I am going to be that person I wanted to be. Maybe I didn’t realize that at fifteen years old, but I see it so clearly now. This was one small way I was choosing the path of my life for myself. A path that would lead me to Junebug, but not until the next year.

The first year I just heard about it, and wanted to go so bad, and dreamed of what it actually was. I had not gone to an outdoor rave yet, so I had no image to connect to it. All the ones I went to before were in some dark building downtown or up in Santa Fe. The desert raves I’d come to love were not a thing for me yet. How quickly that would change.

Just a couple weeks after my missing out on the first Junebug, I met a few people who would eventually become my rave crew, and the people I would spend the next five years going to every single rave possible with. We’d start with a couple in town, and then we went to a two-day outdoor rave called Rumors together, which would be my first outdoor rave, and after that we were hooked, all of us, together.

I spent that entire summer going to every outdoor function I could find with my friends. We went to one in a canyon up in Chama, one in Moriarty, one at the Three-Sided Hole, even one down by Socorro that got broken up. We were all over the place. It was an amazing summer that changed the rest of my life. I had music, my friends, and the rave. Will we ever need anything more?

Then the fall came, and we shifted to the warehouse functions again, as is the tradition for every New Mexico raver. Spend the fall and winter in the warehouse and the spring and summer under the stars. It’s still like that now. Some things will never change.

My first Junebug did not come till that next year in 2001, but after that I did not miss another. It was too much of a tradition to pass up. They even had a fall edition of it called Dreamscapes that I also went to every year, including that first one they had in August of 2000. Every time this group had something going on we knew it was a good time, a safe time, and some amazing music by DJ’s we loved. From that first one it was always the same. The start of the summer and the best example of how good New Mexico Raves can truly be.

After that first one I can admit they all just kind of smash together now into a giant blobby blur in my head, which is the way it should be. I have chunks that pop up from time to time and I know I’m not the only one. Here are two I can recall right now.

There was one where I was walking with my best friend at the time, and Jay Z had just released a song where he sampled the Jackson 5, and I remember saying,

“I just love how he raps like that. It’s so unique.”

“No, Mango. He didn’t invent that. He copied Snoop. Snoops been doing that for years.”

“You’re right.” I said. “But he’s the one who put it on a record.”

“True.” He said. “I heard he never writes his lyrics down. I respect that.”

“Really? Like never?”

“That’s what I heard.”

“Wow. If I ever meet him, I’ll ask him that.”

We laughed as the sun rose over the desert and the DJ played this beautiful house music from the back of a uhaul van surrounded by dazed and colorful rave kids who wanted nothing more than to lose their minds.

Another time I remember I had gotten into a fight with my girl that day and I stormed off, walking the streets of Albuquerque, like I do sometimes. Like a hobo.

This time I found myself on central walking past what suddenly appeared to be a record shop popped up right across from The Copper Lounge. I knew I would’ve noticed it, so it must’ve been new, and yet as soon as I walked in, I felt I recognized it immediately.

I’d spend the rest of the day listening to records in that shop and forgetting the reason I was even mad. Eventually I’d find one that I loved, and I listened to it over and over and over again. I can still hear it in my mind. I can remember loving it so much that I wanted nothing more than to buy it, only to find out I left my wallet at home.

From there I walked straight back home just to tell my girl that I didn’t wanna fight anymore, and that I found a new record shop. I wanted to go back to get that record but instead we just got ready for the rave. Like we always do.

Later on, we’d go to Junebug together, where we’d meet up with friends and dance under the New Mexico stars all night long. It was right around the time the sun was coming up that morning, and we were all dancing together in the dirt and anonymity of our lives, that the music became soulful and smooth. New Mexico has many sounds, but to me it will always be about House music, and this moment was a reminder of that, especially because of the record the DJ played. The same record I listened to all day long in the record shop that same day. The same record that led me back home to my love, and eventually to the rave again, together.

Without any way of knowing that DJ seemed to have been sending me a message that only I could hear, and I could feel it right there as I stood on that dancefloor somewhere up in the mountains. It wasn’t just that we both picked the same song on the same day, it’s that we were all right there at that moment together, and the music was what brought us there. I remember how fresh and clean the air smelt even though there were clouds of dirt everywhere.

How is that possible?

Clean air surrounded by clouds of dirt?

Where in the world does a place like that exist?

New Mexico.

In the end, I know that stretch we had wasn’t as much about Junebug as much as it was about a time in our lives when everything just made sense. No worries, no troubles, no mayhem from the outside world. Just us, and our music, and our backpacks that we decorated just for this rave, and our friends we somehow found in all this fucked up madness we call life. Somehow, we found each other, and we did it in the desert, or the mountains, or the warehouse, and it was for the best possible reason.

Love and Music and Junebug.

When I think of Junebug, I think of the love put into it, and I think of how I felt that every time I was there. I think of the dark nights I spent in the dirt with my friends laughing and enjoying every single minute of it. I think of seeing people I hadn’t seen since before the winter. Gathering again to celebrate that we made it to another summer. I think of how far the music flew into the night air, and how nobody in the universe would ever believe all those moments were real, because they weren’t there, and for so many of us, that was enough.

I think of how much we grew, and learned, and have become the people we wanted to be, and I think of how much intent and purpose was put into every single event they had out there. They wanted us to have fun, and to be free, and to be safe, and most of all, to be together. We could feel that. I can still feel it now. All we had to do was show our love back.

By staying till the end, by helping pick up trash, by saying thank you. Thank you for the night, and for the music, and for all those years every summer when all the Rave kids knew one thing for sure, and that was enough for us. Its what got us through. It’s what helped us endure. We knew we at least had that.

We had Junebug.

It’s almost time for Junebug.

See you on the dancefloor.

Maybe Junebug again, someday?

——–Pinky Mendoza

It’s 11pm in a random warehouse in San Diego and it’s the weekend of what should have been Crssd 2021. This journey has become a tradition for us now, and I don’t think it will ever stop, especially after this one. No meet up at the city steps this time, though. No chicken tenders, no randomly ending up at the palms. No marveling at the beauty of the Ocean Side. No drunk loud fools. No dancing in the rain. No new merch. No festivals yet. Not yet.

It’s coming back, though. You can feel it. I can feel it. This weekend showed me that from the only place I needed to see it. From the dancefloor. We traveled so far. And waited so long for this one. So much happened to us in the year since we had been back. So many trials. So many failures. So many moments I wish I could’ve done better. The universe forced me to earn this trip back to my hometown and I could feel it at every step.

The world has changed, though, and the dancefloor is no different. Not as many people, not as loud, not as late in the night that eventually becomes the morning. We manage, though. We find each other in the fog, and in that fog we choose to dance.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to find this time, only that I was searching. I am not the person I was supposed to be, but are any of us? This world has changed our tune beyond recognition at times, and still all we are left to do is move on. So that’s what we will do. We will move on.

I had not lost myself to the dancefloor since the last crssd, when my head was full of acid and my eyes were transfixed on Dax J. It was a techno moment I will never have again, and still this one I was having a year later felt just as good, if not better. In the same green house x techno jacket I bought that day, I let myself go and became consumed by the sound that made me who I am. It never felt so good before just then. It will never feel better again.

It was like the first time, but so much more. I knew what it meant to have it taken away. I knew what it meant to risk everything to get back to it again. I still feel it now. But as I danced there in front of the speaker, lost again, just like before, something happened that I didn’t expect and yet, immediately became the message from the universe I was looking for.

As I danced and celebrated my return to the dancefloor I turned around with my back to the dj and it was at that moment I saw what really matters in this world. My friends. All there. All lost in the music themselves. All different, and unique, and special, and just as important as anyone else. All just as happy to be there. All just as damaged by the year as any of us. All having been through their own journey back to this moment. This means everything to all of us.

And just like that we all celebrated and danced together for just a little while more. We enjoyed it just a little more than ever before. More room to dance. Not as much talking on the dancefloor. Surrounded by those we loved. It was a moment I waited my entire life to have. It’s a moment I will spend my entire life trying to get back to.

Then, just as before, the music stopped and so did we. We stayed and helped clean up, and we talked, and laughed, and we made this funny dubstep song, and smoked our cigarettes and enjoyed the beautiful overcast above the San Diego skyline. Moments I just can’t believe are real, but only to those brave enough to go get them.

After that we got into our car, and ended up at a hotel, then wandering the San Diego Marina at 4am. From there we watched the sunrise from our car as we drove up the green countryside that is just too amazing to believe is real. We made it home and fell asleep just as the day was starting for the rest. Our night was upon us.

I’m not going to share every moment of this weekend just yet, because some of them I don’t even believe happened. I need to remember them a few times before I accept they really happened. But right now, as I sit in my room in the middle of the New Mexico desert, thinking about the last one and planning for the next, I can only say this.

The universe doesn’t just bring us into each other’s lives by coincidence. It doesn’t work like that. Life isn’t that simple. We found each other to help each other endure, and to live, and to dance in the darkness together. Now, more than ever, House x techno means love. It means family. It means life. It means going out there and getting that moment you always dreamed of, and when it’s over, remembering this one fact. It only matters if you have people to share it with. People to bring it home to.

Happy Crssd.

The first words of

Pinky Mendoza

March 10, 2021